Monday, October 19, 2020

Portrait of a Lady On Fire - low budget cosplay

Greetings, commies!

Those of you who have the misfortune of knowing me personally, will attest that I like ridiculing and trashing things that many people find appealing. It's my guilty pleasure to go against the grain. This is why today I am posting a review for the art house Euro flick Portrait of a Lady on Fire. This movie got rave reviews, but I personally find so many things wrong with it.


Marianne is hired to paint the wedding portrait of Héloïse. As the women orbit each other, intimacy and attraction grow as they share Héloïse's first moments of freedom.

My thoughts:

The manager of Party City wants the costumes back. Seriously, you'd expect better quality from community theater. And what's with Marianne's mahogany highlights and Heloise's dark roots. This is not a period piece. This is pretentious cosplay. You have two sociology professors dressed in pseudo-period costumes, acting out love scenes in what looks like a warehouse with a conference room attached to it. My favorite part was the apparent lack of social boundaries. The privileged heiress and the hired painter enjoy some girl bonding while hand-holding the mentally deficient servant through an herb-induced abortion. They take her to a shady den and then try to cheer her up with some art therapy. The highlight of the movie was the rapping session around the bonfire. The dialogue ... don't get me started. The predictable whining about "not having a choice". Oh, buttercup ... Not to me misogynistic, but this is what happens when female directors make movies about "female" issues. 

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